We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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