buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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