I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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