Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
