He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
