I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I intend to get homeless drunk
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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