I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
