You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
