Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
