I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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