Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
