Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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