I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
