I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
