He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
we should paint friendship bongs
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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