If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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