i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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