So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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