I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
