and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
