I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
