I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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