Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
