sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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