you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
