Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
