Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
