Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
