Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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