U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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