I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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