so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
