so let's talk penis.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
