sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Be still, my beating vagina.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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