Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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