We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Ketchup is God's man juice
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
