You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
