I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dicks are not precious.
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