He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
