Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
