If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
