oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
