Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
