I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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