Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
