I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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