you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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