WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
