office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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