I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
my liver is dry heaving
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
