I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
