her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
