I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
